Good night world

I have nothing interesting to say today, I filmed Friday's video and I got triggered really, really, bad, I don't want to call it because I really hope I don't have it, but it felt like ptsd. It was extremely weird, just one phrase set off so many warnings and I had a flashback and I completely blanked for a couple of minutes, I felt my face dropping and I was in fight or flight mode, it was intense, so intense. I have this big trauma that I don't talk about to people in my family, but that a lot of my friends (all two of them) are aware of, and sometimes I wish I could just spill it all but I don't really know my family, I don't really know if it could ruin or improve my situation, so I just keep quiet and I hide the triggers. I'm not ashamed of it, because I have nothing to be ashamed of but... Man, it's hard, it's a big whole weight and it seems to her heavier every single day. It seems like I'm always discovering a new suppressed memory, a new piece of that puzzle and that honestly ruins my emotional balance. I was about to cry hard, I'm still about to cry just as hard right now. I am so sorry if all my posts are jumbled messes, I really hope you can understand at least a word of what I'm saying. The day is about to end, I don't think it's gonna be a peaceful night, but sometimes it's gonna be like that.